The Fantasy Bond: The core defense is the fantasy bond, originally an imagined connection with one’s parents, that offers a modicum of safety and security. The more we value life, the more we have to lose in death.ĭefenses that reduce death anxiety but act as a barrier to personal growth and maturity. Paradoxically, as men and women give special value to their lives, experience unusual successes, and find new and unique gratifications, they tend to suffer more death anxiety. As people sense time passing, are confronted with sickness, frustrations in life, and reminders of death, they fear their mortality. Death fears are triggered by both negative and positive events. This makes them more cognizant of the fact that their own unresolved dependency needs from childhood will remain unfulfilled. In general, adults carry a heavier dependency load, as they are looked to for direction, support and actual parenting. Adults have more responsibilities for self and others.This is related to the primitive evolutionarily based threat of being separated or ostracized from the tribe, which is emotionally equivalent to being left to die. In addition, there is a fear of being different or standing out from the crowd. Knowing ourselves as independent, authentic adults makes us acutely aware of painful existential issues. The threat of feeling one’s aloneness.These habit patterns become addictive and long-lasting. Painful events in childhood often lead to suppression, dissociation and varying degrees of retreat into fantasy processes.

Preference for fantasy as a defense mechanism over reality considerations.

When we are anxious or frightened, we tend to reconnect to dependency bonds. These types of separation experiences can arouse a sense of loss and fear. This occurs as we mature, form a new and different identity, choose our own path in life, and establish new relationships.

Symbolic separation from parents and other individuals who have offered some sense of security.

There are five major aspects to the fear of growing up: The principal barriers to living an adult existence are the fears associated with becoming an adult.

Holden fear of growing up